It's mid February again, the one time of year that I absolutely hate-other than those dog days of summer when the world is one big sauna you can't get out of.  There are several reasons I feel this way and very little I can do to change things.  The first is that my little sister's birthday falls at the beginning of February.  Many of you know that she was killed back in '96 in a car wreck and it's something I've never fully gotten over.

A week later you have that lovely holiday *roll eyes everyone* Valentine's Day.  Maybe if I had a sweetheart to send me flowers or chocolates I wouldn't hate it so much.  Hell, its not even getting those things on February 14th that bugs the crap out of me because I'm really not that materialistic.  Its the fact that there isn't someone special to spend my time with.

The big kicker for me is that I am now less than a week away from turning 36 and as I pull out my life goals list that I started oh, so many years ago, NOTHING has been accomplished.  None of the travel, personal goals, nothing.  And I feel like my life has been one big boring screw up.

As the new year begins and we creep closer to April, I get really down on myself.  One of my biggest dreams is to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail.  I want to thru-hike it as opposed to section hiking because I want to take that once in a lifetime opportunity to watch mother nature break from her sleep and unfurl herself in all her glory and fury.

Georgia to Maine: 2,200 miles

Between now and April I really get the blues about this dream that is slipping away.  Most north bound hikers start between mid March and early April.  Technically the trail is 'open' year round but during the winter certain sections get shut down because of the weather and the Northern terminus Mt. Katahdin closes down on October 15th (or earlier if the weather gets bad).

You may be saying 'What is stopping you from doing this and what can you do to change it?"  Believe me, I ask myself the same questions regularly to see if my answers change.  My first answer is $$$.  I have to save the funds to pay for the trek as well as $$$ to live on once the trip is over, 'cause lets face it, how many employers are going to say 'Suuuure!  Take 6+ months off for a vacation!' and still have a job to come back to?  Yes there are a few, but I've never worked for any of them.   By the end of 2013 I will be completely debt free (WOW!  I know!). That will free up $$$ to go into the dream fund.  And most of my big ticket equipment has been purchased over the years so all that's left is personal items and perishables.

The biggest issue holding me back mentally is my parents.  I gave up a dream job to be closer to them because of their declining health.  I really don't expect my mother to live another 10 years and if she does it will really shock me.  My dad's health has leveled off and it seems to be just the usual 'growing older' issues he is facing, his heart and diabetes are well under control at present.  I'm the only child they now have and our extended family can't be relied upon to help which makes me feel extremely guilty to take off into the wilderness for a walkabout. 

So for now I am focusing on getting my body in better shape, my finances in order so that when I am able to (Dear God let it be before I'm retired!) then this picture:

1st Blaze on the AT

And this picture:

Joel and Courtney 10/1/09

Will be ME and not my friends! 'Cause let me tell you, it really sent me reeling towards depression when they set out to accomplish MY life goal.  (If you care to read the trail journal they kept during  their trip here's the link:  http://trailjournals.com/entry.cfm?id=266291

"Feeding the Beast" or "Anarchy!"

Those of you who follow me on Twitter have surely seen the awesome food that my school expects our children to eat.  As their teacher, I am expected to sit down and eat with my children, whatever they are eating. I have several BIG problems with this.  The first:

That by the way you are looking at turkey with dressing, mixed greens (no seasoning at all), sweet potatoes (again no seasoning), and wheat bread.   In theory this should be a tasty, healthy mean.  Let me assure you it is not.  Being from the South those greens need SOMETHING!  Doesn't have to be ham hocks...but why can't we have some vinegar to go with them?  It comes out like boiled grass. The sweet potatoes could have some cinnamon or nutmeg, it doesn't have to be just butter and brown sugar.  If you were a 3, 4, or 5 year old would you eat that? Neither would I though I do take a taste of everything each time with the children.  Now realize that I leave my house by 8 a.m.. Breakfast comes about 7:30.  I don't get out of my classroom for my lunch break until 2 or 2:30.  By then I look like the honey badger desperate for anything to satisfy my hunger.

The rules also state that we are not allowed to eat in our rooms, and we can't use the refrigerator for staff food.  I have decided that if certain (ahem most) co-workers can misuse their cell phones during the day then by all that's unholy I'm going to eat when I need to! I am declaring anarchy! Well, maybe not anarchy, I'm not going to be stupid enough to eat my food in front of the suits...

The second biggest reason is that I'm choosy about the processed foods I eat and I generally make most meals from scratch at home.  Cereals, pastas, etc I will buy. But mystery meat?  Uh no thanks.  Won't buy it and won't eat it.

Tomorrow's menu is:

Kashi and grapefruit for breakfast. I have to go in for blood work before work (For my insurance, nothing is going on.) and can't eat before I leave.

Teriyaki chicken and pepper lettuce wraps for lunch.

And finally, toasted almonds and a smoothie for an afternoon snack on my commute home.  Since it takes me 45 minutes to get home and once there I take Shamus out for his big walk, I need a pick me up before then too.

Oh, and here is how I'm smuggling my contraband in:

 Load the insulated bag with food and ice packs and stealthily walk it into my closet.  Crap I hope I don't get a TSA pat down on my way in....

Tag! Your it!

The Rules:

 1. You must post these rules.

2. Each person must post 11 things about themselves on their blog.

3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.

11 Things About Me

1. I too am a bibliophile.  My dream job is to own my own bookstore.

2. I collect vintage cookbooks. My oldest is from the early 1900's and talks about the dangers of using electricity in the kitchen.

3. I love waterfalls and running water in general.  Something about sitting on the banks refreshes my body and soul.

4. I love rain...probably goes back to #3.

5. When I can't sleep I go online and plan fantasy vacations that I'll have to win the lottery to be able to afford.

6. I am a chronic procrastinator.  I leave everything but Christmas shopping to the very last minute.

7. Someday I hope to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail.

8. I'm as un-Martha Stewart as someone can be.  No crafting talent whatsoever.

9. Narrow minded people annoy the crap out of me.  If they aren't hurting others why do you need to hate?

10. I'd like to travel the world and learn every language I encounter. 

11. I own more hiking boots than high heels.

Tagged Questions

1. If you were stuck on a desert island and could only take 3 books with you, what would you take?

 Only three?

 -Arrows of the Queen by Mercedes Lackey

-A survival manual

-A compilation of Tolkien's works

2. Favorite place you've ever traveled. Why? Hmmm.  It would have to be the Smoky Mountains, and only because I've been so many times I know the area really well and can stay out of the the tourist hells of Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge.  OH, and the area is covered in rushing streams and waterfalls.

3. What's the most embarrassing song on your iPod/in your music collection? New Kids on the Block's Hanging Tough Album.

4. Do you have any pets? If so, what? If not, do you want any? A pug/mix mutt rescue named Shamus.

5. Would you rather get your nails done or go rock climbing? I really want to say rock climbing, but the truth is I'm terrified of heights.

6. What's the craziest thing you've ever done? I'm boring as hell.

7. What are your favorite ice cream toppings? Home made hot fudge sauce.

8. If Hollywood made a movie about your life, who would play you? America Ferrera

9. What's your dream job? See #1 about me. Although if someone offered me a job as an X-wing pilot I'd jump at it.

10. Do you have any tattoos? If so, what and where? If not, would you and what would you get? No ink, but I'd like to get a Wild Violet (purple).

11. What's your favorite quote? JFK-“Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future”

Questions to answer

1. If you won the lottery, would you continue to work or would you retire? Why?

2. Do you play and instrument?  What is it?  If not, what would you like to play?

3. Does your zodiac sign describe your personality?

4. If TV/Movies were real life, what character would you want to be?

5. What is the strangest thing you've ever eaten?  Would you eat it again?

6. What is the first book you remember reading or being read to you?

7. What other names did your parents consider when naming you?  Would you have preferred one of them?

8. What is your favorite food?

9. What's the most embarrassing hairstyle you've ever had?

10. What does your dream house look like?

11. Can you eat with chopsticks?

I'm tagging:

Becka- http://anythingbutaveragegirl.blogspot.com/

Del- http://welshswan.wordpress.com/

Cez- http://thecrazyworldofcez.wordpress.com/

Happy 2012 everyone!  I hope you survived New Year's Eve with minimal after effects.  I wrote earlier about my New Years resolutions and it's  probably  a good thing that I started early, because the past week was a bust. With the week off I had high hopes of starting a new exercise plan so that come Tuesday (back to the grind) I would expect to do it when I woke up.  I've been fighting chronic bronchitis for the past year (thank you Mom and your second hand smoke). It flared up again and I really haven't done much with my week off except relax...not necessarily a bad thing, but disappointing none the less.

Well, here it is January 1st, 2012, not much on the schedule for today. Had the family "traditional" New Years Day dinner. I'm not sure when that became a tradition, but mom says it is soooo.... I did convince her to let me grill the "traditional" cornish hens instead of baking them.  For the record I do NOT like cornish hens. Grilled with cumin, garlic, and salt they weren't too bad though mom stressed how tough they turned out.  Personally I think she needs to get her false teeth sharpened, dad and I thought they were just right.

I digress though I could go on about my mother until everyone stopped reading my blog.  This morning I woke up and weighed myself first thing so that I can keep a count on my health progress from this day forward.  I also weighed Shamus, my pug/mix rescue.  Part of my NY resolutions is to for him to lose weight too. I'll post our progress.  I bet he loses gobs of weight too...you know how "men" lose it faster than women do...soo unfair.

My 2012 New Year's Resolutions:

1) To build a healthier me.

2) To manage my time better so that I am able to do the activities I enjoy.

3) To better manage my finances so that I can afford to do the activities I enjoy.

And my resolution to my bloggers:

To add more photos to my blog!  So to start the year off right:

Happy New Year everyone!  Here's to building a better tomorrow!

Merry Christmas from the Bluegrass everyone!  The day dawned bright and beautiful sans snow but at least it wasn't raining.  Nothing worse than rain on Christmas...unless it's warm temperatures.  I know, many people would disagree but to me Christmas means cold and preferably snow filled.  As a child I remember the anticipation of Christmas spent at my Granny and Ampaw's.

What is an Ampaw?  Welcome to the South, full of Grannies, Nanas, Memaws, Mamaws, Mawmaws. Not too many Grandmas or Grandmothers here. We have a few Grandads or Grandpas, almost no Grandfathers.  Here we call them Papaws, Pawpaws, Papoos, and in my case Ampaw.

Christmas at Granny and Ampaw's meant that my cousins from North Carolina would be visiting. At that time they were the only cousins we had on my mom's side of the family and we only saw them at Christmas and  when they would come stay for a large part of the summer (that meant month long camping trips for us all but that's another story).  Granny always cooked enough for a small army.  Growing up there had been periods in her life where she, her parents, and siblings (there were 19 people in the at home) had very little food.  The same was true for Ampaw who lived during the Great Depression.  Those events in their lives had a lasting effect on the way food was viewed in their house.  First and foremost no one ever went hungry.  If you did, that was by your choice.  When unexpected company would arrive the first thing Granny would do was to cook them "a bite to eat". I remember many many stories told by people (complete strangers to me) at both my grandparent's funerals about how their mothers would come visit with the children knowing that the kids would be fed because there was no food in their own homes.

Holiday meals were always mind boggling.  A huge turkey and country ham were the centerpieces.  There was also a "city ham" or picnic ham "just in case".  Then there were the sides.  Home made cornbread dressing, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese (baked, not stove top) sweet potatoes (that my Ampaw raised), corn, green bean casserole, broccoli casserole, baked beans, greens, slaw, green beans cooked w/ ham hocks, oyster casserole, cornbread salad, pea salad, fruit salad, seven layer salad, deviled eggs,  angel biscuits, cornbread, dinner rolls, and then the desserts! Jam cake, coconut cake, chocolate fudge, cherry fudge, peanut butter fudge, divinity, sea foam candy, potato rolls (mashed potatoes sweetened then spread with peanut butter and rolled into a log), almond "strawberries", peanut butter balls, pecan balls, and blackberry cobbler.  The only thing on the table that wasn't made from scratch was the cranberry sauce that came straight from the can and was sliced along the tin ridges. Dinner was 'served' at noon but it was a day long graze.

It wasn't unusual for there to be 40+ people in attendance.  The house was for grown ups so unless we were eating, the kids were sent outside.  My grandparents were tobacco sharecroppers so there was always acres and acres of farm and woodland to roam.  Back then the winters were colder (this was the 80's mind you, so not so very long ago) and the creek would usually be partially frozen.  The kids would schooch along testing the edges to see how far we could go out before the ice broke.  The creek was never more than 3 inches deep at this time of year, so we were in no danger of drowning.  When we got thirsty we'd go break off a piece of ice and suck on it; my little sister was sure to fall in the water at least once if not a few more times.

Christmas today is much different.  The family hasn't gathered in that number in twenty years.  Even our core family, my grandparents, aunt, uncles, and cousins don't anymore.  Ampaw passed in 2010 and Granny passed just this spring.  My mom's siblings decided that they didn't want a family dinner at all so today my parents and I (my sister was killed in '96) will dine alone.  We decided to start our own new tradition, instead of the huge feast of the past we are instead feasting on seafood.  Dad is having swordfish, while Mom and I are having scallops and king crab legs.  As nice as this is, I miss the Christmas' of my childhood. Christmas just isn't the same when you are an adult.

Its that time of year again....The time when everyone realizes that it's mid December and last year's New Year's resolutions have gone by the way side. I admit mine did.  This year I've decided that I'm going to start my resolutions early.  That sounds like dedication does it not?  I won't lie; I'm one of the worst resolution breakers I know.  In fact, generally I don't even make them.  I can't break them if I don't make them; thereby I don't feel like a failure come December 31st. Also, I'm off work for the week between Christmas and New Years, so why not get a head start?

This year my big goal is to work on building a healthier me.  After 35 years I know I will never be skinny, it's just not in my genetic code.  What is in my genetic code is heart and lung disease, as well as diabetes. So what I want is a leaner, meaner body. I have amazing blood pressure for someone, quote "my size"; it's completely normal which amazes and puzzles my doctors. My cholesterol has steadily been creeping up over the years, but is still good.  It's just my weight that kicks my ass.

About ten years ago I went on this big "diet" kick to make myself skinny.  I'm ashamed to say I tried the fads...grapefruit, Atkins (that one nearly killed me literally), Weight Watchers (gained weight on that one). Through it all I learned that "diets" don't work.  Yes I lost weight, I went from a size 24 to a 12 BUT once I stopped eating the diet I steadily gained it back, thankfully not all of it but way more than I ever wanted to see again. Two positive things that I did learn from that time period:

A)Food diaries are a good thing.

B)I have to limit my carbs.

Stop right there. I can hear people screaming now.  I know my body needs carbs (Atkins fiasco), they are fuel the body.  BUT I have to carefully choose my carbs.  I call them "natural carbs" and "processed carbs". More veggies and fruit; less bread, pasta, and sugar.

My plan for the healthier me is to:

1) Add one additional exercise at least 4 days a week. I already walk 3-5 miles every day but need to add to it.  Maybe some yoga or free weights. Any suggestions?  And no, I'm not joining a gym so pick something else.

2) Cook more, eat out less.  Not sure how this is going to pan out at work.  Stupid rules.  We can't use the fridges and have no way to heat food...I hate cold lunches. I love to cook and over the last year I haven't taken the time to do it.  I am worth the time!

3) Go back to logging everything I eat or drink.

I also think I'll post some info here on the blog throughout the year. Maybe you all can help keep me motivated into and through 2012!

So the New Year's resolution that I made last December 31st was to hike at least once a month.  At the time it didn't sound that hard, after all winter, spring, and fall are my favorite seasons to be outside.  Also, the resolution would make sure I didn't completely hibernate during the hot humid summer months.  Needless to say this was a resolution I did not keep, though I did force myself in to the woody sauna that is Central Kentucky during August.  

Last night when I went to bed I was on the fence about hiking today.  Where would I go?  When should I wake up?  I finally decided that I was going to hike the Eagle Falls trail at Cumberland Falls State Park.
I've been out to the main falls many times and have wanted to take the side trail out to view Eagle as well as different perspective of the big falls.  For some reason my alarm went off at 5:00 a.m. And of course I promptly  turned it off, rolled over, and went back to sleep.  Somewhere around 9:30 a leaf moved outside and my dog thought there were intruders trying to break in.  Finally out of bed I realized that it was a little late to go ahead with my plans. It takes almost 2 hours from my house to get to the state park and by the time I got there it would be after noon.  In the summer, that wouldn't be an issue...the sun is out until well past 8:00.  But here, with the start of winter just days away, the sun would start setting much earlier.  I'm a "snail" hiker and stopping to gawk and take pictures is a must. I didn't want to rush so what to do? I was ready to call it a day before my day even started.  Finally I decided on a "compromise". No, I didn't have time to make the drive but there was plenty of time to head over to Raven Run.

Raven Run has been my "go to" spot since my college days.  In some ways its become boring.  I know it like the back of my hand.  If nothing else, heading out would get me in the woods, maybe show some rock formations that I haven't been able to photograph when the foliage is thick.  In all honesty, I wasn't expecting a lot from the hike today, thinking of it almost like a chore. Turns out it was one of "those" days on the trail.  No leaves, no animals, no noise, and almost completely un-peopled.  I think I have the UK-UNC basketball game that was being played at the same time to thank for that, but I never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Thanks to the time of year I was able to see some unusual flora:

And some anomalies:

But the real reason I had wanted to go to the fall was to see water...which thanks to the recent torrential rains we've had:

There is nothing more centering or soothing to me than the sound created by a waterfall.  All in all it was a fantastic day.  I'm kinda glad I slept in. I think I have a new hashtag for twitter:

#Youknowitsagreatdaywhen